(A format of blog-post you've come to know and love, I'm sure.)
"JAPAN NOW ADMITS: IT'S CHERNOBYL..."
"Feral chickens roam wild in N.O. since Katrina..."
Picture them... bands of wild chickens terrorizing the citizens of New Orleans. (Actually, it sounds like they're mostly just being annoyingly loud in the early morning hours.)
"Wisc. man finds live missile in bathroom wall..."
"CHOCOLATE MILK UNDER FIRE..."
Well, of course. Chocolate milk is the root of all evil, as you know.
I seem to remember drinking chocolate milk with my lunch a lot as a child. I was still "skinny". Today, I never drink chocolate milk. I drink unflavored 1% milk (because Donald doesn't like skim milk). Am I that skinny now? Hmpf. No, I am not. Clearly, chocolate milk keeps you fit and trim.
"Couric Blames Local CBS Affiliates for Poor Ratings..."
Ugh. Just ugh. I've never understood her so-called appeal.
"Sex workers scared as serial killer stalks Long Island..."
Well, maybe they should consider a change in career. I mean, I'm not saying they should expect people to try to murder them, but come on. They have to know it's not exactly a safe "job", even under the best circumstances. It's like saying that drug dealers are worried about their safety. Yes? And?
"Thermal Cameras On Boston Streets Can Show Activity Inside Homes..."
Weird. According to the story, the point was the show heat loss in city homes, but I guess there's some fear that the cameras might be a little too powerful. What's the point of of showing heat loss, anyway? People should already know that they need to properly insulate their homes. Is someone trying to guilt-trip people into using less electricity/heating? (That really irks me, btw.)
"Egypt army sets new limits on free speech..."
Limited free speech? Oxymoron time!
"Indonesian clinic touts smoking as cancer cure..."
Well, it's about time someone recognized the healing properties of smoking.
"Girls robbed of $150 at lemonade stand..."
$150? Where were these girls selling lemonade, and for what price?! (And why were they keeping $150 at the stand instead of putting it somewhere for safe keeping?) Oh yeah, and what a downright mean thing to do. (Apparently they were raising money for a young, disabled cousin, so it's even worse than your average stealing-from-youths story.)
"'IDOL' RESULTS CONTRIVED?"
NOOOOOOOOOOO! ...My faith in everything has been shaken.
"Vegas woman dies after backroom cosmetic surgery; Botched buttocks enhancement..."
Again? (There was a similar story, one of the other days I did a "news on Twitter" post.) I still don't see why anyone would even want to undergo this procedure.
"UN proposal would give 'Mother Earth' same rights as humans..."