Tuesday, March 24, 2009

SkyMall Shopping Spree, Part One

When Donald returned from his trip, he brought back one of those SkyMall catalogues they have on airplanes. I guess I'd never really looked at them very closely before. It never occurred to me that they might be entertaining. (Besides, I suspect they have germs from a hundred other passengers' hands on them. Probably nowhere near as infested as your average dollar bill, but still. . . *squirm*)

Donald thought I might find some of the items in the catalogue amusing, and he was right. Here's the first batch of highlights:

No-Blind-Spot Rear View Mirror:

Almost as cool as the ones they have on school buses.

Remote Control Plane:

With a "detachable digital camera that takes still photos from hundreds of feet above the ground, allowing you to document your surroundings in a way previously impossible".

Very useful. Well, for spies and the military, maybe. For the rest of us, it's an expensive (and probably very difficult to safely maneuver and land without crashing and destroying) toy for grown-ups. (Of course, if they were giving them away...)

Finger Drum Mousepad:"This mousepad has an integrated electronic drumpad that allows you to play eight real percussion sounds, including bass, snare, two rack toms, a floor tom, hi-hat, crash, and ride cymbals using only your fingers. The MP3 player input enables you to play drum solos over any song from your digital music library."

And you thought regular finger-drumming was annoying...!

Sleep-Regulating Sun Lamp:
"Emits the wavelength of morning sunlight and helps restore a more natural, restful sleep pattern." In other words, you pay $250 for something most of us can have for free. But this way you get your daily quota of sunlight in the comfort of your home, without having to venture into the icky outside world... or... sit by a sunny window... ... Hm. Yeah, this is pretty useless, unless you live in the darkest place on earth or are being kept in a dungeon. But it looks so neat and high-tech!

Voice-Activated R2-D2:Just what every StarWars fanatic has always wanted-- his (or her) own R2-D2! My favorite bit of the product description is as follows: "R2's lights, swiveling dome top, and distinctive happy and sad sounds faithfully mimic the real thing, right down to his occasional "bad mood." (A simple command of, "R2, behave yourself!" snaps him out of it.)" (g) See? He has moods-- just like the real R2-D2. He even "dances" to the (in)famous cantina music. (Well, now I gotta get one...)

Dog Sofa:

Hee hee. This is pretty cute. I do question whether a dog would actually use it, but that probably depends on the dog.

Soft Serve Ice Cream Maker:

Dieters, prepare to meet your worst enemy...

"Just add fresh ingredients, turn the dial, and you can have 1-1/2 quarts of frozen dessert in as few as 20 minutes." It doesn't require salt or ice, which is unusual (in my experience) for "homemade ice cream" makers, but I guess this isn't really the same type of ice cream.

Jumpin' Jammerz (aka Footed Pajamas-- for adults):

"For the 'big kid' in all of us, now the same footed pajamas you loved when you were a child are available in adult sizes!"
What in the world...? Maybe I'm missing out on something great, but I think these things look absolutely ridiculous.

"Whether you're lounging around the house, sipping hot chocolate in Aspen [*gag*], or hosting a pajama party, Jumpin' Jammerz are super-fabulous in any situation. Until now Footed Pajamas have been almost impossible to find in adult sizes. Well, your search is over!!!"

What-- difficult to find in adult sizes? I wonder why...

"A unique gift idea--perfect for pre-teens, teens, and adults!"

Well, "unique" is about right, but I'm officially stating for the record that I do not want a pair of Jumpin' Jammerz. Thanks for the thought, but instead, please make a donation in my name to a charitable foundation dedicated to helping people see how goofy these things make them look. ;o)

Myvu Crystal:

"Sit back, relax and enjoy your favorite movie--privately. connected to your iPod, Myvu Crystal provides hands-free viewing."

I feel like using this would give me a headache. (And it probably would, since I couldn't wear my glasses and this gadget at the same time, and without my glasses, I do tend to get a headache.)

This might actually be a nice toy for some people (expensive, though), but I still think they look a little silly. You know people who own these things are thinking, "Everyone must be so envious of me in my faux virtual reality eyewear! Yeah, I be stylin' in my cool iPod movie glasses!"-- and yet, all the while-- silly.

Bug Vacuum:

Oh, Bug Vacuum! Where have you been all my life?! (g)

"This cordless insect vacuum quickly captures bugs from up to 2' away. Flies, bees, spiders, and other insects are suctioned by a 22,400-rpm motor, sending the insect through a one-way valve in the extension tube to an electric grid in the handle that instantly kills the pest. The extension tube removes to place dead bugs in the garbage, shutting off the electric grid in the process to protect curious fingers from electrical shocks or burns. Without the use of toxic chemicals or vacuum bags that can serve as breeding grounds, this handheld device has an extendable nozzle to reach insects in high ceilings while the flexible rubber suction cup compresses to fit in tight corners, and the lightweight plastic design allows complete control while chasing flying insects."

Just imagine never having to touch a yucky bug again! Picture, if you will, a world in which you never again need run screaming from wasps, monster bees, jumping spiders, and the occasional centipede or roach! *starry-eyed bliss*

Unfortunately, judging by the reviews, it seems like it may not deliver on all of its promises. Oh well. I knew it was too good to be true. ;o) (Plus, there was no way I'd pay $50 for a bug vacuum. Sorry, bug vacuum inventor.) I'll just have to continue to rely on my human bug-remover, Donald. (Ok, ok, and sometimes I manage to "take care" of bugs, myself. But mostly I just try to avoid them.)

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So, which item are you saving your pennies for?